Us and them

Sheetal Kaur*, a housewife talks about one such occasion, “For my first anniversary, I want to spend some private time with my husband. But his family is coming over. I love my in-laws and their family. It’s just that their timing is always wrong. I know I’m sounding mean when I say this. Am I wrong in demanding privacy?”Because of busy schedules, working couples get littletime for each other. Hence, expecting some moments of togetherness is perfectlyunderstandable. Dr Himani Chaphekar, consulting psychologist, says, “Idon’t see anything wrong in it. Everyone needs privacy. But in such casesyou need to strike a balance. It’s said that ‘you don’t getmarried to an individual. You get married to the family.’ Divide the dayif you can or express your feelings in the best possible way so that youdon’t hurt anyone. If nothing works out, just remember that you’llget many other occasions and ways of showing how much you love or care. Why notcelebrate the other occasions with family members?”Whenever it’s about relationships, everything boils down to communication. Talking to your partner about what you want, can simplify life’s complications. Rajesh Pratap Singh*, an account executive, agrees. But he also feels that, in such situations, women end up getting misunderstood most of the time. “It must be weird coming from me but yes, I think women are more unfortunate than men. This is mostly because they are more expressive and believe more in things like special moments and celebrations.”There is no right orwrong way of expressing a feeling. But, understanding the potentialrepercussions of your feelings is equally important. Nandini Thatte, apsychotherapist, agrees, “Being authoritative helps, but balance it outwith a thorough understanding of your partner. You have to be vocal about whatyou want, at least with your husband/wife. Then get together with him/her andconvey it in a more polite way to the other members of the family. But yes, ifyou are putting your foot down, be ready to accept the same when your partnerdoes it too.” Getting into a fight with your partner would behara-kiri as you’ll end up upsetting everyone. So when you intend tocelebrate, make sure that you end the day with joy in your heart and a big smileon your face.